there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
