i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
