You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize