how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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