We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
