All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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