We won't sleep together?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
