I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
