I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
