i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
