I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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