Whoa Z and x make the same sound
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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