he wants to bone in the snuggie
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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