well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
