You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
