you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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