i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
