If that was your dad, he is hot
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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