take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
