i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize