that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need water and some morals
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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