So drunk its hurt
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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