why didn't you poke me back
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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