so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
