we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i think my cat just said my name.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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