Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
