Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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