remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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