i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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