i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
