God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
