hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize