you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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