His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
