I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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