Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
40s are totally the cure
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
