Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
