Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
