Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the day after is always just damage control
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
