I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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