I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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