he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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