I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
