walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
