Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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