just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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