she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
