i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
