It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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