You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize