first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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