it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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