'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
