she looked like the bat from fern gully.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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