Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
