he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
