My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
