Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
