its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
