Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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