I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
