I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
