My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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