so let's talk penis.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My vagina just recognized that song.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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