I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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