party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pants are for mortals
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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