What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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