Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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