Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize